


Snow

by Jaegerx



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Euthanasia, Hospitals, Lowercase, M/M, Mentions of Cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 06:21:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19997281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaegerx/pseuds/Jaegerx
Summary: oikawa is sick, and not even iwaizumi is able to help him.





	Snow

**Author's Note:**

> this is another oneshot i also uploaded on wattpad. please enjoy!

"i don't think i'm able to do this anymore."

"what do you mean? the therapy?"

"just.. everything."

oikawa looked over at iwaizumi, his eyes all red and puffy. he was shaking, not able to control the tears rolling down his cheeks. a small sob left his mouth as he was turning towards the window again.

"i'll never be able to play volleyball anymore. i'm not allowed to go to school. i can't go outside. there's nothing left for me. look at me. everyone loved me for being pretty, and even that got taken away from me."

iwaizumi carefully took slow steps towards oikawa, wrapping an arm around the thin figure and pulling him to his chest. both of them wore a light-blue mask to prevent infections.  
"listen, things will get better. everything will get better. and you know that. that's why you started doing the chemotherapy."

"i started doing it because my parents wanted me to do it. because they can't deal with losing another child to cancer. i just wanted it to be over soon, because i've seen my brother suffer for months, but that privilege also got taken away from me."

the ace started rubbing small circles on oikawa's back, looking at the ground. he usually would have responded roughly; yelling at him, beating him, so he would get back to his senses.  
this time, though, he realized how much oikawa actually meant his words.

they went through everything together, with iwaizumi visiting him every day after practice. there was no day where he didn't visit his setter.  
he could only watch as oikawa turned bitter. could only watch him getting thinner, losing his muscle, losing his brown hair. his once beautiful, soft skin turning into an unhealthy shade of white and gray, rough, breaking at his fingers. his fingernails slowly turning brown underneath the light-blue gloves, cracking. always wearing a face mask to hide what's underneath, so he wouldn't get more sick than he already was.

"i don't even understand why you're still here. why are you still visiting me every day? you have to do so many things for college. why are you still spending time with me, even though i can't do anything anymore? even though i'm not pretty anymore.."

"because you're important to me. do you really think i would just leave you behind only because you got sick? i even got you a wig that looks just like your former hair. we've been through a lot of things together, so we will survive this together, too."

they fell silent. oikawa thought for a second before leaning against the ace, calming down a bit, and then started talking again.

"the doctor said he would help me."

"of course, he's supposed to help you get better. that's why he's a doctor."

"no, no, that's not it."

iwaizumi stopped his movements, thinking. _what does he mean?_  
the setter buried his face in iwaizumi's shirt, lowering the mask and inhaling the scent he loved so much before continuing.

"he said he would help me, by fastening up the process."

"what process?"

"the process of me slowly dying, iwa-chan."

the ace fell silent. he didn't know what he should respond to that.

he knew that oikawa was suffering. he knew that he would feel better once it all was over, and he knew that it would take quite some time until he was cured completely; _if_ he was able to be cured completely, because there was always the possibility of cancer coming back, sometimes even worse than before.

"oikawa, i-"  
"no, don't say anything. i shouldn't have told you about this, so-"  
"shut up and let me talk!"

oikawa fell silent, looking up at his childhood best friend.

"i don't think that you're wrong, oikawa. i get that you're in pain, that you want freedom, that you want it to stop, because i want it to stop, too. i want you to be happy, and i want you to never be sick again - but i don't think that death is the right choice."

iwaizumi took a deep breath, averting his gaze from oikawa's, one of his hands buried in the brown, soft wig.

"i wanted to marry you, shittykawa. but i can't do that if you're dead."

the setter gasped, carefully touching iwaizumi's cheeks with his gloved fingers.  
"we aren't even.. iwa-chan, why are you proposing to me-!"  
"because i can't wait."

new tears left oikawa's eyes before wrapping his thin arms around iwaizumi's neck, hiding his face in iwaizumi's shirt again.   
"but we can't marry in japan, you know that, right?"

"i know. me and your mom saved money, so we can travel to europe together and get married there."

another soft gasp left oikawa's mouth, and he was sobbing uncontrollably now.  
"oh god.."

"anyways, do you even want to marry me?"

"yes! yes, of course i do, iwa-chan.."

they held each other close, their eyes closed, just enjoying the moment. iwaizumi caressed oikawa's back again, as the once-brunette was listening to the ace's fast heartbeat.

they stood like that for a while, until a nurse entered. they broke their hug, both of them startled, and oikawa got back into his bed so the nurse could check up on him and take a blood sample.

"did you feel nauseous after your infusion this morning?"  
"yeah, but i didn't vomit this time."  
they continued talking about the side-effects of the medication, while the nurse wrote down everything.

after that, the young woman left, and iwaizumi stood there dumbfounded, before sitting down next to the bed.  
"you vomit after your infusion? hot flashes? red urine? why didn't you tell me about any of these? you just said that you're nauseous sometimes.."  
"because i didn't want to worry you, iwa-chan."

they looked at each other, and iwaizumi sighed while leaning back in his chair.  
"i knew there could be severe side effects, i informed myself, but you never mentioned it was that bad."  
_that's also why no one let me into his room up until 5 hours after his medication. that explains a lot._

silence.

"do you think you will be okay with traveling to europe?"

"well, it will take a while until we can go there, because my immune system is pretty weak at the moment and we still need to plan everything there, but i think i will be okay!"

"i'll start planning today then. we should fly in december."

the setter looked at iwaizumi, then at his own, gloved hands.   
"three months, huh.."

the ace just smiled a small smile.   
"it hardly ever snows in tokyo, but europe should be okay. you like snow, don't you?"

oikawa's face brightened up as he took iwaizumi's hands.  
"i love snow!"

"good."

[ - ]

it was a call in the middle of the night that woke iwaizumi up. little did he know that this call was going to break his world in two.

groggily opening his eyes, he grabbed his phone. as he checked, it was around 3 in the morning, and the end of november already - one more month until the wedding in austria would take place.  
  
on the screen, oikawa's contact flashed up, and he raised an eyebrow.  
_he isn't allowed to use his phone while in hospital, is he?_

he sighed as he accepted the call, holding the phone against his ear. the only thing he was able to hear was sobbing, and his eyes widened as he recognized the voice.  
"miss oikawa? are you okay?"  
"oh, hajime, i'm so so sorry, but you really need to come to the hospital!"

[ - ]

iwaizumi stormed into the hospital, looking around, trying to catch his breath. the brown-haired mother noticed and walked up to him, taking his hand and pulling him along without a word. the ace followed her, tears threatening to fall as he held onto the hand of his mother-in-law like his life depended on it.

they walked into the corridor oikawa laid, and the mother came to a halt in front of the room. she slowly opened the door, and iwaizumi stormed inside before he caught sight of the bed in the middle. on the white bed, his fiance laid, just as pale as the sheets under him. iwaizumi gasped, walking up to the bed while instinctively grabbing oikawa's hand.

he looked around. most of the monitors were shut off, and no cables were attached to the setter. he also didn't wear his gloves or face mask, the wig on his head messy.  
"miss oikawa, why are the monitors.. off?"

instead of an answer, he was able to hear her sob again, and realization dawned on him.  
he looked down at the peaceful, relaxed face oikawa wore, and sighed before leaning his forehead against the setters chest, which was covered by one of iwaizumis t-shirts.  
he wasn't able to notice any heartbeat.

"you really couldn't wait, could you?"

a few tears rolled down his cheeks as he grabbed onto the cold hand tighter.  
"you could have waited another two months, you idiot. i really did want to marry you. shittykawa. trashykawa."  
he couldn't stop the tears streaming down his face as he now also started sobbing, pressing his forehead more against the lifeless chest.  
"i really thought we could pull this off, together."

a few minutes passed. his crying slowly came to a stop, and he sat down on a chair beside the bed. he was lost in thought while inspecting oikawa's calm, peaceful face.

"snow in tokyo.."

that made him raise his head. snow was falling from the black night sky.  
he turned around to face the mother that stared out of the window in awe, and a cracked smile found its way onto his lips before also looking out of the window again.

_that's probably you, huh._

[ - ]

iwaizumi walked the mother out of the hospital, holding her hand tightly in his.   
"if you ever need anything, hajime, just call me. i'll contact you as soon as i know the date of.. of the funeral."

"thank you, but the same goes for you. if you ever feel like talking or need help with something, contact me."  
  
she nodded, hugging her son-in-law tightly and cracking a smile before getting into her car. the ace also went up to his car, sitting down in the back, on the transport surface there, just watching the snow fall. new tears ran down his face as he was hugging his knees, eyes still facing the black sky.

"i hope you're okay now. i love you, oikawa. i always did, and i always will."

sighing, he got up to sit down inside of the car, wiping away the tears with the sleeve of his pullover before starting the engine.

and just like that, he drove back home, 

the snow painting the city white.

**Author's Note:**

> please share your thoughts down below, and consider leaving kudos! thank you.


End file.
